पुन्हा तू भेटशील तेव्हा....

पुन्हा तू भेटशील तेव्हा ,
मंन वेडं होईल तेव्हा,
हाथ पुन्हा थोडे कापतील ,
उठांतील शब्द हरवून जातील,
डोळ्यातनं चार मोती येतील,
पावलेही एचानक ठप्प होतील,
एका क्षणात आयुष्य आठवेल,
पुन्हा जीवन जगावंसं वाटेल!!

आठवण

आज पुन्हा मला तिची आठवण आली,
संध्याकाळच्या गर्दित मला तिची गरज भासली,
चार लोकांच्यात माझे डोळे भरून आले,
तिचा अशा वागण्याने मला रडू आले.

so you want to be a writer?

"THIS IS A COPY PASTE AND ONE OF MY FAVORITES" 

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.


if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

-Charles Bukowski, 1920 - 1994

भेट चुकून कधी झाली तर....

तो तिला विसरत नाही,

नी ती त्याला कधी माफ करत नाही,

झालेल्या चुकांची जाणीव असून सुद्धा,

त्यांचा संवाद काही होत नाही.

        तशी ती अजुन एकटीच जगते,

        नी तोही अजून तिचीच वाट पहातो,

        पण त्याचा नेहेमीचा प्रयत्नांनी,

        तिला फक्त रागच येतो.

स्वाभिमान तर दोघांचा दुखावला,

त्रास याचा दोघांनाही झाला,

पण जगाचा या नियमांत,

शब्द तिनी त्याला सोडायचा दिला.

        पुन्हा कधी भेटणार नाहीत,

        नी संवादही कदाचित साधणार नाहीत,

        वर्ष जशे सरतील तसे,

        नवीन लोकांचात हरवून जातीलही.

आठवण मात्र नेहेमी राहील,

कमी त्या नात्याची नेहेमी जाणवेल,

वेळेस न भेटल्याचे दुखः,

वय वाढल्यावर नक्कीच दाटेल.

        जगण्याच्या त्या धावपळीत मग,

        गाठ्भेट मग कधी अचानक घडेल,

        "खुश तर आहेस नं?" विचारात,

        तो त्याचे अश्रु लापवेल.

तीही थोडीशी गोंधळून जाईल,

शब्द सारे विसरून जाईल,

"हे माझे ते नी हा आमचा छोटा" सांगत,

कॉलेजचं सारं तिला स्पष्ट आठवेल.

        तोही गंभीर विचारात हरवेल,

        तिचा साठी घालवलेला वेळ व्यर्थ त्याला वाटू लागेल,

        कित्येक वर्ष संवाद व्हावा या आशेत थांबलेला तो,

        दोनच शब्दात पुढे काय बोलु या प्रश्नात पडेल.

तीही विचारात अचानक हरवलेली असेल,

तिचे ते तसे थोडे शांत पाहत असतील,

नी शांततेत त्या तेच थोडा संवाद साधतील,

निवांत भेटू कधीतरी सांगत दोघेही तिथनं निघून जातील.

        तो तसा फार हादरलेला असेल,

        एकटेपणा त्याला नकोसा वाटेल,

        खरंच आपलं चुकलं का विचार करत,

        मित्रांना तो हेच सारं सांगू लागेल.

दिवसा अखेर कामांतनं ती मोकळी होऊन,

विचार ती करू लागेल,

चुकला निर्णय समजुन ती,

हळूच एकटी थोडे अश्रु काढेल.

        अहंकाराचा या भांडणात,

        आयुष्य दोघांचा फार अवघड असेल,

        आणि इतरांसाठीच जगत मग,

        त्यांना अहंकाराच्या नुकसानाचा अर्थ कळेल.

झोप हरवून गेल्ये!

झोप येत नाहीये, नी झोपायचंही नाहीये,
दिवस सरत चाललेत नी आयुष्य कळत नाहीये.
गप्पा गोष्टी होतात, नी वेळ निघून जाते,
लक्ष कामात नसत, नी वाट हरवत जाते.
करावं काय कळत नाही, नी दिशा सापडत नाही,
गेल्या काही वर्षांमध्ये मला जगण्यात मज्जा येत नाही!

अजुनही तू!

भर दुपारी एकटीच बसून विचार कधी करतेस का?

वाट पहातंय तुझ्ही कोणीतरी असही कधी वाटून घेतेस का?

प्रेम तुझं असुनही, रुसून शांत एकटी बसतेस का?

नी शब्द पाडायंचा नाही म्हणून उगीच एकटी जगतेस का?

अजुनही मंन रमत नाही म्हणुन पुस्तकं रात्रंदिवस वाचतेस का?

नी मग डोकं जड झालय म्हणुन रजा घेऊन झोप काढतेस का?

'जा तू' म्हणत चिडून अजुनही कोणावर ओरडतेस का?

नी स्वतःची काळजी घेत नसेल कोणी तर त्यावर जीवापाड प्रेम करतेस का?

अजारी असताना मग कोणी, त्याचा मित्रांसोबत अवषध पाठवतेस का?

नी 'बरं वाटतंय का?' असं दिवसातनं शंभर वेळा कोणाला विचारतेस का?

जुन्याच आठवणीत कधी हळूच एकटी अजून अश्रु काढतेस ना?

जरी हो नाही म्हटलीस तरी विचार माझा बरेचदा तू अजुनही करतेस ना?

आठवण मित्रांची!

सर्व काही कसं सुरळीत चालू असतं,

पण सर्व काही असुनही माझं जंग थोडं रिकामं असतं,

इथे इतकी लोकं असुनही एकटेपणा दाटून येतो,

शाळेच्या मित्रांची आठवण आली, की मग अंतर सारं नको नकोसं होतं.

      सोडून सर्व, पुन्हा घरी जावसं वाटतं,

      नी नाती इथली सारी व्यर्थ वाटतात,

      कॉलेज-कामात लक्ष लागत नाही,

      त्यांचा शिवाय एकट्याला मुळीच कर्मात नाही.

येत असेल का माझीही आठवण कोणास,

असा प्रश्नही नेहेमीच पडतो,

कामात असलेल्या मत्रांचे फोन,

क्वचितच कधीतरी अचानक येतात.

     

      लहानपणीचा गोष्टींची फारशी आठवण नाही,

      पण नाती ती कधी तुटली नाहीत,

      आजही भेटलो की फार बर वाटतं,

      तुम्हा सर्वा मित्रांशिवाय येथे जगणं व्यर्थ वाटतं!

Punha tuzi aathvan...

Daat kadhlele pahun,
Sahaj june divas athavle,
Tuza sobat cha gappanmadhle,
Kshan te sare athavle.
Kiti anandi hoto aapan,
Ni ayushya kiti sundar hote,
Tuza maza natyatle,
Prem kiti durmil hote.
Divas sarat gele,
Ni nati tutat geli,
Balpana madhlya majjechi,
Ata fakta aathvan rahili.
Punha bhet zhali tar,
Ashach thodya aathvani banvu,
Vichar karayla ekantat mag,
Anandi kshan japvun thevu!

Introverted!

Thodasa ekanta hava,
Mansamadhye me gudmarto,
Shantata mala swatahasathi havi,
Dusryancha awajat me harvun jato.
Mansa far dukkha detat,
Sukha mala swatahatun milta,
Kamat loka adthale ugich antat,
Ektyala sarvakahi patapat jamta.
Veda nahi me thoda vegla ahe,
Misalto mitranchat pan ekanta hava ahe,
Socially deprived nahi me,
Fakta thoda Introverted ahe.
Narcissist nahi me,
Pan swatahawar prem ahe,
Self esteem kami nahi,
Pan me thoda adjust karun ghenara ahe.
Introversion problem nahi,
Fakta ek personality trait ahe,
Introversion shaap nahi,
Creativityni Intelligence manage karaycha ek upay ahe!

Karmat nahi!

Lihina wyartha asla tari khup kahi suchat rahata,
Ekantat kadhikadhi mazamann shabdanmadhe artha shodu lagta.
Dole thakle tari haath kahi thakat nahit,
Gelyakahi divsat tuzashi bollyashivay karmat nahi.

.....Me.

Lihila asta ajun kahi,
Pan tula kavita avdat nahit,
Lihilelyach wachayla,
Kityekda tula wel milat nahi.
Vedya kavi sarkha ugich,
Me swapna jasti rangavto,
Kamamadhla chitta harvun,
Sadhya gani thodi gungunto.
Avdat nashinahi tula mi,
Kadachit husharahi titka nasin,
Chuka sarvanchach hotat,
Kadachit mehi maza jagi barobar asin.
Prem mazawar karayla,
Kahi tase karan sapadnar nahit,
Pan sangaychech zhale,
Tar hajar lokahi kami bolnar nahit.
Karun paha mazahi v4,
Ni maitri thodi karun paha,
Prem karnya adhi,
Tu BFF houn paha.
Sath kadhi sodnar nahi,
Prayatna kami padnar nahit,
Sankata kitihi ali tari,
Swabhav ha badalnar nahi!

My future gf!

Ignore karel ti,
Attitude hi thodasa dakhvel,
Try nako karu mazawar mhanat,
Swapna tihi rangvu lagel.
Chotyashya swapnat jagat,
Hasat ugich divsa harvel,
Zhalelya sanvadanna athvat,
Premabaddal tihi thoda v4karel.
Athvan ajibat yet nahi mhanat,
Ugich thodishi mhaskari karel,
Ni me nahi adhi bollo mhanun,
Tihi last seen check karun shanta basel.
DPit tu nahis,
Ni sadhya bhetahi hot nahi,
Asach kahitari ugich vishaykadhun,
Samjavayla thodi muddam rusel.
Romantic nahi mhanat,
Thodishi ugich lajel,
Ni char chavghat chesta karun,
Mann moklepanane hasel.
Prem nahiye mhanat,
V4 maza nakki karel,
Ashi asel gf mazhi,
Ji ek divas nakki sapdel..

Mann!

Mann thodasa sadhya,
Eki madhye ramu pahatay,
Swapna thodishi rangavat,
Aathvanit junyaa jagu pahatay.
Junech chitra ni dp pahun,
Hasu thoda juna jagu pahatay,
Navinach ayushyat alelya wyakti madhye,
Aaj punha thodasa utru pahatay!

Prem thodasa zhalay....

Ticha nasava,
Pan maza mann thodas haravlay.
Tichach char goshtit,
V4ran madhe thoda mann ramlay.
Bolat nahi amhi,
Pan god athavnint jagayla suru kelay.
Punha ekda aaj,
Prem ekiwar thodasa zhalay...

Feeling lost in emotions!

Dhag bharun alyasarkhe dolehi bharun yetat,
Bharlelya gharatahi ashru dolyat yetat.
Laksha kamat lagat nahi ni divas aathavanit nighun jato,
Ticha vina mag achanak ek mintahi far mhota watato.
Kalat nahi kahich ni mann kashatach ramat nahi,
Ektyalamag punha jagavasa watat nahi.
Wachlela kahi dokyat shirat nahi, ni prem konawar hot nahi,
Modlelya ya manala, punha konich samjun ghet nahi...

Avadlela dur gelyawar...

Ashru ithe hi ahet, dukkha tila hi ahe,
Mann maza modla, janiv tila hi ahe.
Bolnar me nahi, walnar tihi nahi,
Ahankar mala ahe, shabda tihi todnar nahi.
Prem maza hi ahe, odh tila hi ahe,
Sukha maza haravlay,  hasya tichahi komejalay.
Aathav mala hi yete, visarli tihi nahi,
wait mala watatay, mann tichahi bharun alay.
Ayushya maza thambalay, dur tihi jat nahiye,
Aaj punha koni avadlay, ni tila he kalata nahiye!

What research means!

That you are a researcher, you are entitled to get various funds from varied sources for n number of purposes! Funding could be in the form of your stipend, the finance on which your institution works, the maintenance cost of those lab equipment, the running costs, the things you procure, most importantly the manpower cost- your faculty, staff.....!

You know what motivates me? That they arrange such huge amounts of money, the rich technical expertise, and everything possible they can give you, but, for what? Its because, they want you to be stress free; to be fertile to grow good thoughts, to have a good productivity. I owe them. We owe them. It is we who are responsible for the technological development. We will owe repercussions if we fail. Everyone here is helping us so that we can succeed- succeed in making life better, making it worth living even more, making world a better place. We, the researchers, practically owe each person on this planet, for it is us who'll fulfill the needs of the society. One of my friends showed me sometime back, no matter how small the delta x you add to the knowledge pool, it counts. That is what is expected from us, a delta x. That is why we are here. So, lets add delta x to the pool, together we'll expand the boundaries of science!

Wish you luck, stay motivated, enjoy research!

I'll leave.

I'll leave you,
Leaving you somewhat puzzled that where I must have been,
Confused, what I must have been thinking of you lately,
Unsecured, would I ever come back for you all,
Lonely, for you to miss the ears to tell them all.

Lost in the shadows,
You won't ever find me,
For you didn't care enough in return,
Whereas I've always have been,
Disappear I should and I will..

Teaching - the Toughest Job in the World!

An excerpt from 'Redrawing India- The Teach for India Initiative' by Kovind Gupta and Shaheen Mistri

Let me try and explain why teaching is the toughest job you can ever imagine. Imagine your best self. When that is happy, cheerful, forgiving, patient, loving, kind, generous, grateful, empathetic, focused. Now, think of the number of days in a year that you actually are your best self. Think of the situations in which this best self usually comes out and the people with whom it is easiest for you to be your best self.

Well, here's the thing. If you are a teacher, you need to be your best self, every single day of the year. In a dark, leaking, cramped room, or a scorching, asbestos roof shade, that acts as a classroom. When a child throws a tantrum, or calls you names. Even when the roof of your classroom leaks in the middle of a lesson.

My biggest learning as a teacher was this: the children learn vigorous academic content from what you teach, but they learn values from the person that you are. You can talk about grit all you want in the classroom, but the minute the children see you giving up on that one child in the classroom, they will give up too. You can talk about integrity and perseverance till your throat goes hoarse but you come late to school one day, or you come to school without a plan, and children will learn from that. You can talk about all the values in the world but unless your best self comes alive every single day, chances are that your children's best self isn't going to shine. That's why it is tough.

- Revathi Ramanan, 2011 Teach for India Alumnus and Program Manager, Teach for India.

Tuza ni maza

Tuza hi asach hota ka ga,
Khup kamat astana,
V4 khup guntlele astana,
Chukun ghait tondatna tuza nav nighta,
Ni mag matra jag kahi kshan,
Sara jag nako nakosa hota.
Tasa me nati wisarlela asto,
Ata kamat man ramvun haravlela asto,
Tula tasa visarlela asto,
Pan achanak ashi athavan yete,
Ni mag matra mala mitranchi garaj watate.
Lokanwar ata farsa vishwas basat nahi,
Vachan dilela tr konachach aikwat nahi,
Natyanna ata ajibat japat nahi,
Tuza vina mala ajunahi karmat nahi.
Tuhi ashich asshil na,
V4 maza kadhitari asach karat asshil na,
Ekta tulahi karmat nasel,
Mazhavina tuzahi jag mokla asel.
Tuza ni maza khup pataycha,
Ekmekanwachun jagnach tr khara adaycha,
Waat wegli hoil asa kadhich watla nhavta,
Bhar divsa mansanchat itka ekta watel asa tr kadhi ayushyat zhala nhavta...

An excerpt!

;-) a wrong way of showing a small part of actually different topic. 

If you are a lone-player with great talent - like a sportsperson or an artist or painter - you are then free to work alone, without regard to what the world thinks of you. You have no responsibility, except to hone your own talent - to become the best in the world, and to strive for excellence. It’s a lonely journey, where you learn to practice hard and live your own failures.

But if you’ve chosen to be a manager, you’ve then got to be among people, collaborate with them, lead them or be led by them, be able to handle their frustrations, to handle their competence and their incompetence. It's an ego-crushing journey where you need to learn to allow people their space to work. It has very little to do with intelligence - it is more about developing sensitivity - finding a way to motivate people, to pull them in one direction. A journey of frustration, but equally one of triumph when you see the team working together and winning - a journey you share with your team.

They are chalk and cheese, these two lives. Eventually, whichever path you pick, you’ve got to strive to give your best.

http://www.foundingfuel.com/article/the-rahul-yadav-story-youve-never-heard-before/

Jagna...

Fb warna ata paay LinkedIn kade waltayt,
Ni pustake-pencil chi jaga ata laptop-pc ghetayt.
Jeans ni t-shirt gathodyat jaun,
Formals ata kadak istrni shobhtyat.
Beer jat nahi ata thodi whisky lagte,
Bhet roj meeting madhe saglyanchi risky watate.
Targets yet rahatat ni wel jato nighun,
Nighta yet nahi lavkar jari phone ala gharun.
Discussion cha nava khali boss tyacha aikavto,
Ani results nahi alyawar increment la saglyanna adkavto.
Warsha nighun jatat ani mag haravlya sarkha watata,
Ani mag punha ekda pahilya pasna jagavasa watata!

This is why……

I feel so lonely even on summer eves,

And I cry in closed spaces even on achieved GPAs,

I drive too cautiously and still get blamed,

With all my efforts my parents still blame!

My teachers expect and I fail to achieve,

Heights I don't fear but I'm not that strong,

My cousins tease for I live in rural place,

How much do I explain that it’s the exams that I fail!

I ask for help but my mentors quit,

The war within is what I can't win,

I don't understand the roads for peace,

That is why, it is today that I quit!

College nantr......

Mitra dur jatat ni fakta 'dp'ch distat,
Calls ni msgs cha aiwaji ata kadhitari mails yetat,
'Sahaj athvan ali' ashi ugich ph kelyawar safai detat,
Ni samor alyawar matra brahmananda wyakta kartat.
'Tasa thik challay, pan pahatoy dusrikade',
He matra saglech mhantat,
Ni 'athvta-athvta' mhanat mag CCDit tas tari ekatra kadhtat.
Bhetaycha jari asla tari wel kadhta yet nahi,
Jivlaganshihi bhetayla ata karna milat nahit.

That day!

Tears you'll shed for you would truly care,
Guilt you'll feel for not having expressed love,
That you too missed me for I had always been there,
Some time you must have spent you'll say,
And feel bad for not having met when I said,
You'll feel so low to know anything else,
You would be a bit lost without me,
That time I'll smile with my eyes closed,
That day, when I won't be there.

I understood!

To understand appreciation, 
I got criticized.
To value love,
I was hated.
To learn how to motivate,
I was ridiculed.
To lead people
I was led to the wrong paths.
To trust a few friends,
I was cheated.
To love peace,
I was disturbed.
To value knowledge,
I was fooled.
To become humble,
I met egoists.

यंदा बरंच काही शिकायचंय!

यंदाचा पावसाळ्यात ओलं होण्या ऐवजी थोडं भिजायला शिकायचंय,
सर्वांचा विचार सोडून थोडं मनमोकळं जगायला शिकायचंय,
स्वातःचाच विचारांचा बंधनातंन मुक्त व्हायला शिकायचंय,
भुतकाळाला विसरुन पुन्हा जगायला शिकायचंय.

विसरलेल्या विषयांना पुन्हा वाचून नव्याने शिकायचंय,
नाती बनवायलाही पुर्वी सारखचं शिकायचंय,
चुकांना थोडं सुध्रवायला शिकायचंय,
सोडून गेलेल्या लोकांना विसरायला शिकायचंय.

आहेत त्या नात्यांना जोपासायला शिकायचंय,
कामातनही स्वतःसाठी वेळ काढायला शिकायचंय,
पाहिजे तिथे 'नही' म्हणायला शिकायचंय,
माझ्याचं भुतकाळातनं मला पुन्हा जगायला शिकायचंय....

Feeling lost....

Off lately, I have been watching people lose temper at very small things, like quarreling over why someone parked a car in someone else's spot or why someone didn't do homework or why someone was late by a minute.

Although mistakes need to be corrected and their repetition should be avoided, aren't we losing our minds over meager things? How much is your kid's X class score really going to affect his life's goals? Does that even matter, in a period of, say 5yrs?  We're probably unnecessarily increasing our expectations, not just from people, but also from ourselves. 

We want NaMo to transform the nation in 1yr. The year we join the job, we want to over perform and get maximum hike in learning years. And there begins the frustration phase.

We want maximum grades, we need more and more money, secured job,more power, more speed....... Everything just more. There's no ending to this greed. We've forgotten to make time for ourselves. We've started forgetting to enjoy. We're just postponing enjoyment. We'll have a party after we achieve this, or after our turnover reaches that figure or after I accomplish this. Why are we procrastinating with enjoyment? We've become so serious that earlier we used to postpone work and now we postpone enjoyment.

Breaks aren't actually breaks anymore as we carry cell phones and laptops. We never go off grid. Why are we becoming so obsessed with work? 

Are we really progressing? We're all dying in few yrs. Are we on the right track? What is our life's goal? Are we taking away degrees, property, .....with us after our death.

Running behind science, haven't we left the philosophy of life totally behind?

I'm taking enough time for myself this summer. I still haven't figured out a reason to live. I'm not serious about my career, relations, education anymore, for something more important I feel is finding a reason to live, a reason which'll keep me motivated for the rest of my life.

And the search is on. 

... :-(

Sandhyakali nivanta kattyawar basun,
Aathvan ajunahi tuzhich kadhto,
Kitihi nivanta watlo tari,
Tuzhich vat pahat asto.
Itkya varsha nantarahi,
Swapna ti junich pahato,
Hasat khelat sarvansobat rahat,
Swatahachi dukhha hasnyamage lapavto.
Ashru farse yet nahit,
Bhavana nehemi lapun rahat nahit,
Ugich kadhitari achnak mag,
Manavar niyantran rahat nahi.
Shabda tu todnar nahis,
Ahankar tuza sodnar nahis,
Kitihi athvan ali tari,
Hak tu kadhich marnar nahis.
Swabhiman maza mehi sodla hota,
Tulahi far tras zhala hota,
Nirarthak asha jivanat,
Mala fakta tuzhach hath hava hota...

The Alzheimer Problem

The Patient’s View:

Hi!

I’m a school teacher and I love teaching students for 4^th and 7^th scholarship exams. I’m the most famous teacher in my area and have been teaching since many years. Off lately, a lady has kept me in a house and doesn’t let me leave. She says she’s my wife and that a gentleman staying with her is my grandson. I have told them multiple times that my mother must be waiting for me, but they refuse to let me leave. They say my mom died 50yrs ago.

I like reading too. But these cruel people don’t let me read, saying that I annoy them by reading same page aloud repeatedly. I’m tired and I sleep in the afternoon, but different unknown people keep visiting me daily and wake me up and laugh at me. I know they bring me sweets, but the old woman doesn’t let me eat. I had planted mango trees during early days of my life, which now bear a lot of mangoes. But these cheap man and woman eat them all without letting me eat any of them.

My pant is usually wet when I get up in the morning, I doubt these people must have put some water on it or I might have spilled water while drinking at night. Every time I wish to go to bathroom, these people yell at me and hurt me. They don’t let me close the doors of the toilet, for I cannot get up on my own. I know I can have a bath, I’m not a kid anymore, but this lady washes me daily as if I were a thing and not human. I try my best to wear clothes on my own, but the way I dress up is never respected and people make me dress up the way they want. They’re more powerful and they get done the things the way they want.

Days pass. No one listens to me. Each time I try talking to someone, they shout at me for not being clear with my thoughts. I’ve so much of experience, I have made careers of many people like these, and today, they can’t even listen to what I speak. Strange.

The Patient’s Wife:

My husband, now 84yrs old, has been giving me lot of trouble for he has lost all his memory. He’s an Alzheimer patient. I’ve to keep a watch on him 24x7, for he runs away from his own house to search for his house which he can’t figure out due to lost memory. He keeps telling he wants to go to see his mother, but his mother actually expired 50 years back.

He keeps reading same page over and over again, for he forgets where he stopped reading. He sleeps 15-16hrs a day these days. He keeps laughing, so everyone laughs, but can identify no one. Not even me. He doesn’t recognize anyone. He can’t even tell his own name. He’s diabetic. I can’t let him eat mangoes which we’ve plucked from the trees he planted. We do buy sweets for people from his pension, but can’t let him eat.

He pees in his pants daily. I have to clean everything daily. He has lost his senses. He’s too weak to get up on his own if he sits on the floor.  He puts both his legs in one leg of trouser and doesn’t button-up the shirt properly. I have to dress him up daily.

What he speaks has got no meaning. He randomly says some words which have got no meaning most of the times.  I do feel bad for shouting at him to stay silent, for we can’t have any conversation. He keeps speaking and we ignore.

We’ve tried all meds by now. The best we got are the one we give orally these days. He at least sleeps and remains calm 15 hours a day. He can’t eat on his own. He throws away medicine saying it might be poison. Sometimes, he keeps medicines in mouth and throws away when I leave. His condition gets worse each passing day.

-The Patient’s Grandson.